Elder Muse/Day 25: The Importance of Feeling Seen

A Blue Ridge Mountain Home, N. Carolina/Photography by Gaye Abbott

“Sonder’ is a word of realizing that everyone’s life is just as complex as your own. People are not just there as a backdrop. People are as deeply complex as you. It gives you permission to see people beyond their politic, their clothing, their outward appearance…” ~ Daniel Emuna

We have all heard the quote that a person will forget what you said or did, but they will never forget how you made them feel. I call this the practice of connection.

What if every time we went out into the world we saw everyone we came in contact with, even passing by, as an opportunity to connect?

Actually this is our superpower, and also a powerful remedy for what ails our world right now. Human connection, curiosity, respect, acceptance…and a huge sprinkle of humor here and there thrown in for good measure.

Just the other day a staff member in a grocery store I frequent said to me what a powerful impact I have made in her life simply by connecting with interest and presence. Because of my encouragement and caring she is going on a longed for trip to Turkey to explore spices and the culture, is finally getting her eyes examined from an ophthalmologist I recommended, and is considering leaving her day job at the grocery store and going full time into her own meal delivery service which she is doing on the side now, but hasn’t been courageous enough to do so up until now.

All it took was a few questions of interest here and there from me to her and an on going greeting and sometimes conversation every time I saw her in the grocery store. She had been a complete stranger before I started going to that store and the only time I see her is when I am there.

I could tell so many more stories about how my life and that of those I connected with was changed by recognizing that this “other” whom I was passing by is as deeply complex as I am. Acknowledging that they, like me, simply want to be seen, heard and recognized even if a little fearful in the moment.

A homeless man on a center divider of a turn lane where lots of traffic traveled daily holding up his art; a man who was walking in the park with his dog and was incredibly lonely after a recent troublesome divorce; a woman who’s best friend just died recently and sister had just been diagnosed with cancer; a real life “cowboy” (yes, he was wearing the hat) who instructed me on what it was like to ride a bull at the rodeo; a woman who recently moved to the area and was having a challenging time acclimating to the new Southern culture; and it goes on and on.

Most of these connections made I never see again, but a few have become friends and even clients, What is most important is that we have shared human connection by recognizing we are all in this embodiment together and all complex beings.

When one is seen and engaged with interest, kindness, compassion, openness and respect we open the imagined barrier between us then becoming part of each others life story.

Discovering the beauty of our shared humanity.

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31 days of Daily Elder Muse blog posts accessed from the unfolding of the day – not planned or scheduled. Yes, the Muse is back again during this powerful and challenging shift time on our planet. May these words, stories and images assist you to remember who you are….and where to place your attention. ~Gaye Abbott

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Gaye Abbott, Wildly Free Elder, 08/08/24