Turning on the light that sits beside my bed my eyes crack open to the new day that is yet to emerge with the light just before sunrise. Rising from under a warm comforter the warm socks go on my feet and I cover my head with the hood that graces the sweatshirt I am now encased in. The blinds are opened to a rain filled darkness that promises in some moment light will penetrate. But not yet.
The lavender teapot awaits the placing of pearls of green jasmine tea and organic honey as the electric kettle is plugged in to heat the pure water that will soon unfurl the tea pearls into long wavy leaves that do their own improvisational dance within the dark depths of the pot. Deepening the water to a rich golden hue that I will only see once I pour it from the spout into the cup that awaits.
Carrying the cup and teapot into the bedroom I just left, I snuggle under the warm comforter once again with pillows piled against my back and legs stretched out in front of me. I grab for the journal I am presently using, open it to today’s page and then stare at the blank page as my fountain pen awaits the caress of my fingers.
Here it is again, an opportunity to stay empty enough and surrendered enough, in the stillness of the early morning before the light has made its presence known. With rain pounding on the windows, gravity sending it into the thirsty earth. To trust in this early morning ritual that something, anything, will emerge upon this blank page to guide me into the day.
A blank page, canvas, mound of clay, speech not yet written or conceived, relationship yet to show itself, endeavor not yet emerged. Entering into the exploration of a different stage of life all together. Spaces where there is potential for awakening….but no clear framework in place. Liminal spaciousness that we don’t remember asking for, but still find ourselves here.
An inner evolution of becoming that does not look or feel like any identity or accomplishment of the past. That particular “clothing” has gone out of style without your even realizing it. You are being asked to wake up to someone you no longer recognize for it does not have any relevance to anything created by others. .
Instead the leap or small steps of recognition embedded in something much more whole, authentic, and wild that no longer wishes to be tamed or mimic others thoughts, work, or expression no matter how profound they may have seemed to you in the past.
Aging into elderhood is rather like this blank page for many of us. The rites of passage and acknowledgement for inhabiting this stage of life no longer exist in many cultures these days. Where can we find direction? Perhaps in the depths of that blank space. This is what life does.
Having had a daily early morning practice of filling those blank pages for a long time now, I find even this morphing and deepening into something that has improvisation, trust, and wild abandon woven into it.
That is when I let go enough. When the urge to plan, make lists, organize, direct, judge, edit, control and “fit in” fade away…..something else entirely emerges through and within. An authentic and unique whole expression that has patiently awaited to emerge over the years.
We invite you to share your “blank page” journey with us. Let’s dive off the deep end together!
By Gaye Abbott, Copyright 1/27/21
Our Wildly Free Elder community now has monthly Zoom global community calls. Become a member of this community and a participant in our elder circle calls by becoming a Spotlight. Next community call is on 2/19/21!
*Discovering & Evolving Your Wild Authentic Expression: “Wild Writing” with Laurie Wagner
Rediscovering Your Passions With Morning Pages, The Artists Way, by Julia Cameron
More Structured Morning Intention Practice: Write 3 sentences each morning taken from “The Happiness Equation” by Neil Pasricha. 1) I will focus on…. 2) I am grateful for…. 3) I will let go of…..